Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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