I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
