I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
