I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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