True but thats because hes a fetus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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