oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
