cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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