I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
