I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
