THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
