No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
