We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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