forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
