I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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