At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im part way to drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
