Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
