Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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