Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
