you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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