i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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