I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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