Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
