they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
