Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
