Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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