i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
