HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
