tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
