i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
