Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I touched a dick in church today
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
