Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
