I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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