the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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