I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
