yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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