So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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