well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
