I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
