FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
