the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
