my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
