my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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