well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
