At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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