If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
