Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
