no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
