I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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