i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
