yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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