lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I had to cum in my sink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
