so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
